Final Final Fantasy Infinite Forever
by Wiergraf
Summary: Simply speaking, a hilarious parody of Final Fantasy VII. (meow)


  
  
~~Okay, this is once again Wiergraf with some junt to tell ya. First off, I would like to say that I wrote this with some help from my good friend Sir Scribnatius of Biscuit. All ideas, characters, names and such are hereby copyrighted 2001 by myself, Wiergraf. Also, I do not own Taco Bell or any other copyrighted or registered thingamahootchie in this story, or Final Fantasy VII for that matter, so don't sue me. And, if you don't like the story, then I'll kill you. (j/k). I kid, I kid. But I might kill your cat. Anywho, this is a parody of FF7, and will be quite massive. So enjoy, and stuff.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
FINAL FINAL FANTASY INFINITE FOREVER  
  
(or: Chubby McGillis)  
  
  
CHAPTER 1  
  
So Hard to Find Good Crazy   
Mercenaries these Days  
  
The train pulled up to the station, smoke billowing from the smoke stack. The door opened up, and two strangely dressed people jumped out and smizzacked the train guards. Then, the top hatch opened up and a big black man came out, followed by a dude with spiky yellow hair. Once they were on the ground, the black dude, who had a beret on, said "Aight foo, listen up! The Mookie Reactor is right up straight forward ahead. Come on, wussy man chitlin'!!" He turned and ran off down the alley, leaving the dude with hair behind. (Uh, don't most dudes have hair?( well, uh...not midgets who are bald. Duh.)   
The man with blonde hair stood there and scrizzatched his head. He had on purple pants, a purple shirt with a embrodiered rainbow and unicorn on it, a shoulder pad, and a huge polka-dotted sword on the back. Oh yeah, he also had a midget in his kneecap. But that's not important. Not important at all.   
Anywho, the dude ran down the alley and followed the black man to a group of people. One was a woman, two were men, and the other man was...uh...a man too. The dude with the sword walked over and nodded to the group. " Let's get down and boogie like John Travolta." The woman said, " Okay. I didn't catch your name..."   
"'Cause I didn't throw it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Whew! Biscuit!! Heh, heh,...heh.........biscuit. " Everybody was glaring at him, and he noticed the black man had a cattle prod. " My bad. Uh, my name's ...(pausing, allowing the player to spell it out)...Midget McCheese?? Oh, c'mon. (pausing again, this time allowing the player to spell it RIGHT)...Stripes. Cumulonimbus Stripes. But you can call me Rainbow. " he said, winking at the three guys.   
"Well, my name's - But she was interrupted by Cumulo. " No need for your names. As soon as this jobs over I'm outta here. But, I would like your name, sweetie." He looked over at one of the guys, smiling. The group rolled their eyes, and the black man had to cough all of a sudden. " * cough * homo * cough*." The woman continued," I'm Ol' Bessie, this here is Biggy Size, and this is Bigstinkinwedgeoflimburgercheese. But we call him Ted." The black man stepped forward. "And I's be Beret Wallet. " Cumulo noticed that he wore a beret and his right arm was a giant pair of safety scissors. ###   
Beret nodded to everybody and said "Aight, homies, let's move out! The Mookie reactor be right ahead, so don't be gay. Word chicken!!!" The group left the alley and started towards the reactor. After they crossed a bridge, they stopped in front of a security gate. "What are we gonna do?" Cumulo said. Ol' Bessie said, "Taint no problim, young 'un. I got these here codes here from GameFaqs.com, the premiere site for faqs, walkthroughs, and codes for your favorite games. Need help? GameFaqs.com's gotcha covered."  
  
  
"...are you finished?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, I reckon. Biscuit."  
  
" Good. (It's about Bob spam time.) Okay, let's get ddooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn with our bad selves. Let's mosey!" Beret euphemistically burped.  
The group split up and Cumulo headed for the elevator with Ol' Bessie and Beret. When they got in there, Beret turned to Cumulo and said," Do you is be knowin' why's we be fightin', Splangey?" Cumulo shrugged in a homosexual way and said,"I really don't give a flying !@#$%^&* (wait, he never cussed in the game. Hmm, goes to show you what war can do to a man. He used to be black.)" Beret yelled "ARRGH! Steve-Ra is sucking the life out of the planet through it's sewers and Porta-Make-a-Mookies. Don't you cizzare that the Mookie Reactors are sucking the $#/! right out of us like $.39 tacos at Taco Bell??"   
  
"No."  
  
"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"I just wanna do this before the Boboguards come." Cumulo said.  
  
So they left the elevator and headed to the pathetically guarded core to drop a bomb to blow it up, all of this while the guards are shooting up in the alley with Biggy Size. When they got there, Cumulo crouched down and pressed the O button to drop the bomb. But everything turned red and a voice came into his mind: "Beware! This isn't just a Reactor! Oh wait...yeah it is. My bad. I like ponies."   
Beret pulled Cloud-er, um...Cumulo to his feet and slizzaped him in his face. "Get over it, man!! Drop the !@#$%^#$#%%^&!@#@@$^*^% bomb!!" So he did. But a siren went off and a huge red mechanical scorpion attacked them. "Whatta we is be   
Cumulo just smirked quite gaily and hit the monster with Knights of the Round Mookeria. (wait a minute. That's...weird.)  
Beret's mouth was open in awe. "How da fish did you do dat? You never breeded Midgetbos!!"  
Cumulo just said,"It's all in the wrist." They headed back out, but Cumulo stopped at a Save Point to save his game. "Beret, just let me save my...AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Something up there just blinked at me!!! "  
Beret said,"Whatta mean, something up there-AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! They're watching us!!! Wait! This is real life...isn't it? Isn't it???? This can't be rizzeal!" Cumulo said shakily," It's real. Maybe. Possibly. Biscuit. I like pretty unicorns. And how the !@#$ can I save my game!! This isn't a game!! It's real! If you cut me, do I not bleed! If you yell at me, do I not feel sad? And if I eat a taco grande, do I not get the runs?"  
Beret stammered," C-cumulo, let's j-jest git outta here and worry 'bout dat later. 'K?" Cumulo agreed, and they headed out towards the exit. On the way, they found Ol' Bessie with her leg stuck, but said, "Oh, screw it, we've only got 3 minutes left...gotcha!! Hahahahahaha!!!" They freed her and escaped, just in time to see the whole reactor go boom.(Actually, it was more like this: BOOOOMMM. Then boom when Beret farted.)   
In the alley next to the reactor, Beret said, "Aight, foo's, let's head back to da hideout. Split up, and don't be gay. Grapefruit!" Cumulo went up to him and said,"What about my money?" Beret said, "We'll talk 'bout dat when we's gets back to the hideout. (Hey, don't mention money around the other guys. They think I'm paying them too. Sheesh. Who do ya think I's be, Donald Trump?) * cough* Um...yeah, Cumulo, how 'bout them Yankees? Come on, let's mosey."  
So they headed back to the hideout. On the way there, Cumulo bumped into a young girl with a basket and knocked her down. Being the heartless son of a mother and father that he is, Cumulo kept on walking. (Hey, that's an important and integral part to the overall storyline!! We can't do that!(Oh yeah, right. Homo. (What was that? ( Uh, I said 'Sonny Bono'.))) On second thought, Cumulo decided to go back and help her up.SO   
"I'm sorry about that." he said to the girl.  
"That's alright. What's all the commotion?"  
  
Cumulo said:  
  
=You better get out of here  
  
Nothing....hey, listen  
  
(...hum hum humhum. Dadadeedee dooo..-oh, done? Okay.)   
"You don't see too many flowers around here."  
The girl smiled. "Oh, yeah. Do you want one? They're only 1 gil, $143.76 Canadian."  
Cumulo thought to himself. "Do I really want to pay 1 gil? ...Nah." So he punched her in the face and stole, like, 20 flowers and ran off. "He he he. Take that, you lazy bum."  
Cumulo ran down the alley, whistling "Gay Ol' Boys", until three Stevera troopers appeared in front of him. "Hold it, !#@$%^&*!! DON'T MOVE OR I WILL BLOW YOUR !@#$%^& TOE OFF!!!" Cumulo said "Cool", then, "Crap" after realizing that the soldier hadn't taken his Prozac lately. "What should I do, " Cumulo said. "Only if Mike Ditka were here. He'd make things all better." But just then, he heard a whistle blow and saw a train speeding out of a tunnel below. So he ran quickly to the bridge, flipped the soldiers behind him the midget, and jumped, just as they tried to grab him. Cumulo landed on the train safely. "YES!! TAKE THAT, STEVE-RA PIECES OF POO--" but he was interrupted when an overhead sign knocked him off.  
Onboard the train, the gang sat, thinking of Cumulo. "What happened to him, Beret," Biggy Size said. "Do you think that he's...he's"   
" A midget? 'Course not, stupid. Even midgets have beef stew." Everybody nodded in agreement although they tried to figure out what the biscuit he just said. Just then the door flew open and there was Cumulo standing nonchalantly like Martha Stewart at a President's Day Party. Cheese grater.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  



End file.
